It has taken me forty years to be able to say that I am creative and it still doesn’t come easy. The words feel wrong in my mouth and look wrong on screen, but I’m beginning to come to terms with the fact that it’s true – and what that means for me.
I am NOT artistic.
I have no sense for colour or for patterns, no ability to draw or paint or sculpt or anything like that.
I’m not even a detail person. As long as something is good enough, that’s good enough for me. I don’t care about finishing touches and making things perfect. That’s just not me.
It’s these things that I’m NOT that have always held me back from believing what I AM.
- I AM creative.
- I love to come up with ideas and to get things started.
- I love to imagine something in my mind and then see it come into reality.
- I love to measure and plan and design and instigate.
- I don’t really care about finishing. Finishing means nothing to me. It’s the CREATION of something that really excites me.
This is why everywhere I go I leave half-finished projects behind me.
I’m like THAT guy
I had a friend who worked for a company which fabricated car parts. That company employed a man who was a GENIUS at designing machines to fabricate exactly what they wanted. Unfortunately though, he was a pain to work with because, while he loved creating the new machines, he had absolutely no time or desire to make things like safety features and protective barriers.
I have come to realize that I’m very much like him. I too love to create, but mundane things like safety and finishing touches just bore me.
This, of course, does not lend itself too well to paid labor. Who wants to hire the guy who will start a dozen projects but never finish any of them?
Self employed/self motivated?
It also makes things difficult for me being self employed. I come up with loads of great schemes and love starting them off and beginning to build them, but then I get bored – and always right before they start doing such ridiculous things as being profitable.
I have no motivation to finish things, because once I’ve done the planning and started the ball rolling, I no longer feel like I’m creating any more and so my passion begins to dwindle.
So where does this leave me?
Well, it leaves me writing this blog post which, while never being exactly the same as any other is still a repeat of the post I write every couple of years on this blog where I say I’m reformatting the website and repositioning myself for whatever my latest endeavour is.
What that’s going to be, I’m not sure right now.
- I’m loving photography, but I’m not certain where to take it next, or where it will take me.
- I’m still a geek and still want to get to play with shiny new things all the time
- I still want to teach, particularly helping adults come up to speed with current technology.
- I still want to write, although the novelty of that has work off a little.
Here I am, once again. I’ve come to terms with being creative, but I’ve yet to learn what that means in terms of my life in the future. I’ve yet to work out how to use what I know about myself for good in my family, community and in society…. but I’m working on it.
So here goes, I hope you’ll come along for the ride!