God often speaks to me through little things that jump into my head completely out of the blue.
Last week I suddenly started singing the song “Show me” from the musical My Fair Lady, which probably isn’t as odd as it sounds but is pretty odd all the same.
It only took a moment for the song to trans-morph in my head into a 3-part series for my blog. Which is very odd.
That’s the way God talks to me though, or maybe that’s the only time I listen to him.
So here we are. Part one of the series – Don’t talk of love – show me, baby!
Valentines day is a-coming.
You know this. Don’t you?
Some rather amazing advertising executives have convinced us that February 14th should be a day when every person in love should spend an ever increasingly ridiculous amount of money on the object of their affections.
Somehow we have been fooled into thinking that if we truly love our spouses, we should tell them in a variety of ways – on February 14th.
What about the rest of the year though?
The constantly growing rate of divorce suggests that the lovey-dovey feelings that we get on Valentines day do not last very long.
Why is that?
The answer, as the song from ‘My Fair Lady’ says, is that one-time gifts and empty words don’t mean anything of substance. They may make us feel warm and fuzzy for a day or so, but they don’t last.
No, what’s needed is not a one-day extravaganza but a life lived not just telling your spouse that you love them but truly showing them your love.
You need to make sure that your wife or husband knows that they are love – and I do mean knows!
This is not just a ‘oh, by the way baby, I love you’. This is a ‘I am going to do whatever it takes to make sure that you know, you see, you feel beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am head-over-heels in love with you.’
Your spouse deserves that much just for marrying you and putting up with you all this time!
So how? How do we show our love?
I have to admit that I love the book ‘The Five Love Languages‘ by Gary Chapman. This book did more than any other resource I have ever seen to help me understand how I can show my wife love and how she shows me love.
I can tell my wife I love her all day long but without proof, ongoing, repeated proof that I love her, she won’t truly believe it.
What I learned from ‘The Five Love Languages‘ is that the things I was doing to show my love to my wife were not things she interpreted as acts of love and some of the things that she did to show me love I didn’t even realise were displays of affection. Learning what our love languages are has helped us show each other love more effectively and to feel loved more often.
Read the book. It’s worth it!
I also don’t think it’s any coincidence that as God was having me write this, we finally watched the movie ‘Fireproof
So what I want to challenge you with in the run-up to Valentines day is:
Don’t just talk about love – show your love.
Don’t just do something sweet-but-expected on Valentines day, rather make a commitment to showing love to your spouse every day. Your spouse might be secretly (or even not-so-secretly) yearning for you to just show them that you mean what you say. For their sake, for your sake, for the sake of love, for the sake of your marriage, get the song from the video at the top of this post stuck in your head and imagine it is your spouse singing it to you – don’t talk of love, SHOW ME!
Are you up for the challenge?
A quick word to the ladies…
Don’t think that this is just for the men out there. It’s for the women too.
OK, I admit it, women are generally better at showing love than men but that doesn’t mean that you, the one who’s reading this, are perfect. Maybe your husband is silently screaming ‘show me now!’? Do you really show him love in a way that he can truly understand? If not, then the challenge is for you too!
For some valentines ideas, you have a look at what Boaly over on Homileo suggests.
Next in the series is: Don’t talk of love – show me, Christians!
This book helped John ad I immensely. We don’t speak the same love languages, I am quality time and physical touch whereas John is acts of service and words of affirmation, and discoverig that has opened our eyes to the fact that we have to be more purposeful in our approach of showing the other person love. Love is a choice and we choose to speak the language of the other to ensure they are filled.
So true Peter, love should be an ‘all the time’ thing, romance & creativity the whole year through & not simply on expected days.
That may mean hard work, study (keeping notes of likes & dislikes, sizes, films, cd’s etc) and alot of effort but if we truely want God glorifying, enduring marriages then that’s the way forward.
The only problem is that when it comes to the ‘expected’ days the game plan seems to be expected to step up a notch, but that’s good too! Haha!
5 love languages is a great book, definately one every couple should read as part of marital classes or preperation.
Oh yeah, that’s one thing I didn’t say… while love should be an ‘all the time’ thing as you put it, DON’T FORGET VALENTINES DAY!!!!
🙂
That is a good book (I’ve never read it but I’ve heard it taught and my wife has explained it many times).
I’m so happy to say that my wife and I do our best to make the big occasions big but if something happens where we can’t or we have to change our plans, we don’t get too upset. We try to show each other love in simple little ways, get away on dates, sneak away on trips when possible, and make the most of every day.
I am so blessed to have my wife!
Thanks Peter as well for adding me to your blogroll. Seeing that made me remember how often I’ve quoted you so I added you to mine as well. Have a great day!
Thanks for the link Jason – and thanks for taking the time to comment.
Peter,
Thanks for the reminder. I bought the Love Dare book about a month ago but haven’t used it…. CONVICTION. Guess I should start it huh? This comes back to practice what I preach…
Tell me how it is when you’ve read it, I’d love to know what it’s like!