The Red Hot Momma wrote a blog post yesterday that really got me thinking.
Lot’s of men and women have affairs. It happens all the time – but why?
Most people, I would imagine, think that affairs are all about sex. It seems to me however that for men, and probably women too, affairs are not about the sex. Yes, that may be the by-product but it is not reason. The reason is something deeper. Much deeper.
You see, men have emotional needs. I know we try to hide it but, when it comes down to it, we have deep emotional needs and if they are not being met by our spouses, we are liable to fall into the temptation of finding other ways of having them met.
Men need affirmation, they need a ‘fan’. We need someone to make us feel like we are the most important, wonderful, fabulous , special person in the world. Which is probably what most women truly need too.
When we first meet our prospective spouses, those needs are met in full. Both parties are in love and we enter a little bubble where we are each others entire world. In this bubble, our deep emotional needs are met. We put time, effort and thought into wooing each other. We try our best to affirm each other and make each other feel important and special.
Then we get married and after a while, real life kicks in. We have careers and mortgages and kids and ministry responsibilities and the daily grind takes over more and more. Soon we are doing little or nothing to meet each others needs, maybe not out of lack of desire but out of over-familiarity and the pressure of every day life.
It is at this time that the devil really gets to work and starts sowing the seeds of discontentment and unhappiness.
Most people probably don’t notice it starting and think of it as completely innocent at first. A little flirting here and there. A smile, a kind word, a gentle touch – but just not from their spouse. For many of us it stops there but thousands of men and women every day fall into the trap head first and all of a sudden find themselves in a position they have no idea how to deal with – and no strength left to resist.
My suggestion is this. Don’t wait for temptation to come, don’t wait another day longer. Act now. Start an affair today!
Just make sure that your affair is with your own spouse!
Affairs are about escapism. The hallmark of an affair is that either one or both of the people involved step away from their real lives and enter a bubble. They leave everything behind, escape and create a bubble where they can both give and receive what they really, deeply need.
So you should do the same. I know you’re busy and hassled and tired and sick and emotionally drained but just take five minutes a day to woo your spouse. A special smile, a kiss, a touch, a love note (even just a short one), some undivided attention, a pause to give some words of affirmation. Do something.
Then find a way to get time together. Trust me, if you fall into temptation, you’ll find a way to get rid of the kids for a couple of hours so you can meet up with the person you’re having an affair with. So you can do it for your spouse.
If you don’t, then someone else will.
Make time to just be together without the worry of kids or things you need to do. Without a pile of washing to iron and fold, without talking about the bills and how you can’t possibly pay them. MAKE THE TIME.
You need it and your spouse needs it more than you’ll ever know.
An affair can be fun and will reinvigorate you and your relationship – just do it within the bounds of your own marriage.