There must be more than this.
I know that this is a recurring theme on this blog at the moment but it’s a recurring theme in my life. If my blog doesn’t reflect my life then I’m being inauthentic with you all and I don’t want to do that. Ever.
You see, I know what my problem is. I’m not living my calling.
Why I’m not living my calling is more complicated to explain but it all comes down to this: fear.
It always comes down to fear.
Whether it’s fear of the unknown or fear of leading my family away from our comfortable American lifestyle or fear of being wrong or fear of approaching my wife about it or fear that I’ll fail at following Christ or even fear of trusting God or whatever the fear is, that’s what it comes down to.
I don’t want to be afraid any more, I don’t want to waste one more day…. but I’m afraid not to.
My prayer is this and I pray the same for anyone who is in the same boat as me:
Father God, there must be more than this.
You didn’t send your only son to die on the cross for me just so that I can live like nothing has changed. You didn’t find me so that I could go on looking like I’m still lost, acting like I’m still lost, feeling like I’m still lost, living like I’m still lost. You didn’t set me free so that I could hang on to my chains.
There must be more than this
oh breath of God come breath within
There must be more than this
Spirit of God I wait for you
Fill me anew I pray
Fan into flame
a passion for your name
Spirit of God
fall in this place
Lord have your way
Come like a rushing wind
Fill me with power from on high
Now set the captives free
leave me abandoned to your praise
Lord let your glory fall
Take my fear and set me free.
Renew my passion Lord. Forgive me, I pray, for my sins against you. Forgive me and relight the fire within me.
I want to serve you with every thought, every word, every deed, every moment, every breath.
Lord, send revival – start in me.
9 Reply to “There must be more than this”
Do not fall victim to the great lie that satan would have you believe: that you are not enough. You may never know how God works through you in big and small ways. You are a humble and beautiful soul, and whether you know it or not, you touch the lives of people every single day. Know that all of God is more than enough for all of you. Praying for you to recognize what a blessing you are, even when you don’t see the fruits of your labor.
“My grace is sufficient for you; for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
We started a church together, full of hope and looking forward to better things. These better things include the concept of family, love relationship, a freedom and liberty in Christ. These are things according to the will of God, they will prosper by His Spirit! To move towards something new is to move away from that which has been. Old habits, old paradigms, our self effort, all get in the way.
@I agree with Katdish. You are a humble and beautiful soul, a letter from God in which He is writing across the tablets of your heart. The old wineskin gives way to the new, a painful process in the fires of God for the purpose of being used with purity of Spirit, a purity of the Word.
In Daniel Chapter three, we have the wonderful account of Shadrach, Meschach, and Aben-ne-go. A few brief highlights. When you make a stand for God, the kingdoms of this world come upon you with a rage and fury. Satan comes with great fury, you have stepped out and said I want to make a difference.
This fire of affliction burns and consumed the men leading the three faithful to the furnance. You are standing under the fire that would consume a normal person- Thus already experiencing the salvation and “hand of Grace from God. Simply open your eyes to see His vantage point.
In the furnance, our three faithful witness are joined by a fourth like the “Son of Man.”
Relax, have hope and confidence in the difficult course God has directed you towards! In this fiery furnance, open your eyes, you are not consumed, not even the smell of smoke. Christ is walking near, a fellowship with God that comes with invitation of His Spirit, set apart for good works, in the understanding we know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being MADE conformable unto His death. Phil 3:10.
What you are counting as lost is an avenue, an invitation, the good soil to grow deeper roots in the Kingdom of God. Being in that place where the miracles and power of God can be loosened through a humble vessel, not a money grabbing merchandizing of the “favor of Christ” for private gain and the ungodly “reign of a lordship over others.” These things are only overcome through the intense fires of God where our heart cry becomes “Christ Kingdom come and His will be done. In that He is glorified.”
Brother, I have great hope and will have great joy as you bloom into every good expression of God.
I think this is a recurring theme in all our lives. Keep pressing, keep standing, keep pursuing. He will not fail and His word will stand forever. Our faith fails, His does not. he remains Faith-full. Blessings to you, Peter.
LOVE this post. Love the raw,authentic cry for help. Don’t we all cry out like that. Or sometimes it is a long, drawn out moan.
Thanks for being gut-wrenching.
Now, about purpose. I, too, have had moments of lack of purpose, and fear. It’s tough to say what the right answer is -it is different for everyone. My father pursued his dream in his mid-thirties and ended up divorcing my mom. Really really bad on the four kids and mom, but he sure didn’t let fear hold him back. And, oh yeah, according to him it was “the Lord’s calling.” Hmmm. (it all worked out in the end, go figure)
I did not get to live my calling. But I invented a new one. And another one after that. I am extremely blessed. But it took me getting off my ass and taking some risks, creatively, without screwing up my life in the process.And it worked. But that’s just me. I am now pursuing my next calling.
Keep at it buddy. Knock, persist, move forward, and start somewhere. Then let God open the pathways.
Would love to see your blogging on how it goes.
One more thing..Don’t over-spiritualize. God is there, whether you see Him or not, whether you screw up or not. My biggest obstacle in life was waiting for God to show me something. That will keep you paralyzed, my friend. You’ve got to show God something first.
Beautiful spirit you have. Glad to know you.
Peter, I am going in a slightly different direction than the other comments….don’t be afraid to talk to your wife. God may be saying the same thing to her, but she isn’t comfortable bringing it up. I know that the husband takes the lead in a marriage, but asking her what God is saying to her on the subject could pour some light on the situation. If she is being led in the same direction, you may find some or most of your fears dispeled. If she isn’t, then you can ask God why that is.
God bless you.
Thanks Helen, I really appreciate the advice and you taking the time to comment.
wow. right where i’m at peter, word-for-word. prayed that a little internet surfing would lead me to something to help me crawl into bed with a comforted spirit and, yeah, it’s 2011 now, but all the same-thanks.
hope you found your “more”