I realize that my blog posts, facebook updates and tweets over the last month or so have been more than a little on the down side.
I don’t believe in hiding things, I prefer to be open and honest. It doesn’t seem to me that hiding the truth, hiding reality does anyone any good.
I am very pleased and grateful that many of the comments I have received have borne out the truth of that, with quite a few people seeming very relieved to discover that it’s OK to say “I’m not OK”
What I realized today though, as I read Psalm 22 is that some people may look at my current physical, mental and emotional state and question God or even the existence of God.
I want to take this opportunity therefore to say that this is not about God. Sure, God can fix me in an instance if it is right for him to do so but he’s not a genie in a lamp that I can just order to do my bidding any time I want.
God is God.
God is in charge. He has a reason for letting me go through this and no matter how much I or anyone else may want to blame him, he is guiltless and sinless and has done nothing wrong.
God is holy, pure, just and loving. He knows best because he knows all. The tiny part that I can see is insignificant compared to the immensity of His knowledge and understanding so I will NOT question him – and neither should you.
I don’t understand what’s happening to me right now but God is still on the throne and I will ever praise and worship him.
Peace be with you, Peter. Many have experienced depression. Speaking openly about it helps to remove its stigma. Speaking openly about it takes courage. He answers those of us willing to show courageous hearts.
i understand what you are saying.
You will be blessed by persevering through this time, Peter. It may feel like forever, but you will make it through. I've experienced severe depression a few times myself and I know how hard it can be sometimes to even pull yourself out of bed. But our God is bigger. You will come out victorious.
Is it wrong to question him? Doesn't God understand the pain that people feel and the conflict of being trapped in an imperfect world? Doesn't he expect the questions/anger?
It's not ever about looking good, it's about looking loved. You are. "To be, rather than to appear" Be Peter, just be. Sharing only that is enough.
Your trust in God during a time like this reminds me of nothing more than a biblical perspective and understanding. I admire you in this.
Habakkuk 3:17-20. (you are acting out verse 18)
17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18 Yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.
Amen. There are always questions, but we get to come back to the truth we’ve (hopefully) experienced in His love, grace, wisdom, and greatness.