Crying

If you’ve never suffered with depression then I’m very happy for you. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

It’s hard to write about. It’s hard to convey the waves of sadness that can flow over you at any moment without any warning.

Here’s my feeble attempt….

Crying

I’m awake.
I can tell I’m awake,
I never feel like crying in my sleep.

My eyes are closed.
I’m not holding back tears.
I never try to hold them back, they just never come.

What happened?
Why do I want to cry?
What terrible thing is affecting me this way?

Nothing.
No horrible event,
It’s all just my messed up brain chemistry.

I hate it.
It won’t go away.
…Tomorrow will be the same as every other day.

I’m awake.
I can tell I’m awake –
I never feel like crying in my sleep.

About PeterP

I am a blogger, author, stay at home dad, speaker, web hosting trainer and geek (I was so excited to get an iPad that I actually made up a song and dance about it). I am English by birth, but currently live in California with my wife and our three children. I ran a web hosting business for nine years and found that many, if not most of my clients had never learned how to use any of the functions associated with hosting so I wrote a book to try and teach just those skills. I must admit to having fallen in love with WordPress (possibly a little TOO much) and I honestly find it hard to understand why anyone would use anything different to build a site! WordPress is wonderful! My passion is to help others achieve their goals with their websites/blogs. I believe that, with a little help, anyone can have an awesome site.

11 thoughts on “Crying”

  1. Jake says:

    You feel like crying might make it better, but you can’t force tears, it’s the weirdest thing. And sleep seems like it makes things better, but oversleeping is a sign of depression. Gah.

    1. PeterP says:

      Now… there’s someone who understands.

      Thanks, Jake.

  2. Zee says:

    Been there. Hate that feeling – especially when you understand that there’s no real reason for feeling this way. It’s okay to grieve or to feel sad when you have a reason, but when everything is okay and yet you feel like curling up and staying like that for days……………….. Yeah.

    1. PeterP says:

      Thanks for understanding, Zee.

  3. TC Avey says:

    I’ve been there, it sucks. Only God brought me through and to be honest it wasn’t even my effort. I didn’t have the energy or desire. It was Godly family and friends who prayed for me and encouraged me.

    Praying for others can never be underestimated!

    1. PeterP says:

      I firmly believe that God is the only hope long term but he seems a little reluctant to help right now!

  4. Deb says:

    I’ve been doing better the last few years, but oh I remember. The waves of sadness. That’s the perfect way to describe them. You come see them coming. They just kind of roll over you and you find yourself gasping for air. Will pray that it gets better soon.

    1. PeterP says:

      Thanks, Deb.

      It’s the unpredictable nature of it that really bothers me. One moment I can be fine and the next I’m suddenly… depressed.

      I’m glad you’re through it!

  5. Marcus says:

    I love ya Peter. I’m praying for you! I’ve had random days, but not consistent of constant. That little bit I’ve had is horrible!
    Jesus calmed the winds saying “Peace, be still.” Certainly he can help you with this! I know that you know this, but reminders help.

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