We are starting a new series today at the One Word At A Time Blog Carnival. This week’s word is: Failures.
However, the theme is “Let Go Of…” So every week, we will have a word for the week, but in the backs of our minds, we will be thinking that we should write something about letting go of that word.
My entry is below all of this intro stuff.
Below this, you’ll find a little widget called Simply Linked. All the participants in the carnival add their links to the widget and that way we can all find and read everyone’s entries. You’re welcome to join us, the carnival is open to anyone.
To see all of the upcoming words and their dates, visit peterpollock.com/category/faith/carnival
Terrible. Unpresentable. Unusable. Embarrassing. Worthless. Those are just some of the words I use to describe everything I’ve ever done. Everything.
People try to get offended by that, and I can see why, but you have to understand, it relates to me, not you.
My wife could quite likely say, “Was marrying me terrible, embarrassing and worthless?” – and of course the answer is no, because that’s a ‘we’ thing. We got married. That was good!
However, if I look at my contribution to our wedding day, the things I did I did badly and there were plenty of things I didn’t do that I should have done.
I cannot see success in anything I’ve ever accomplished myself. I find it hard to even consider anything an accomplishment, unless you consider failure an accomplishment.
Simply put, I’m a perfectionist when it comes to myself with an unrealistic sense of what ‘success’ actually is.
I know that, I hate it… but one of the many things I’ve thus far failed at is believing something different.
This blog carnival is about letting go of failures, and I’m VERY interested to see what people write about that subject because I feel that if I let go of my failures, I’m letting go of everything.
Being an Author
That brings me to the effect my own skewed outlook has on me as I’m nearing completion of my book. Well, I say ‘nearing’…. I’m over half way there at least!
Do you understand the way I think? I’m sure I’m not the only one out there, but I imagine many of you can’t wrap your heads around how I feel about myself.
Imagine though, how hard it is to try to complete something when you know completion means failure?
The closer I get to completing the book, the closer I get to having to look at it and see what a mess I’ve made of it and how terrible it is – at least, how terrible it is compared to my expectations of myself.
I’m sure that moment when I hold my own book in my hands for the first time will be an emotional one, but as I flick through its pages, all I will see is things I could have done better, corrections and improvements that need to be made and I’ll hear that little voice inside saying, “You should have let someone else write it. Now you have to live with this for the rest of your life!”
I promised I would attempt to bring you on the writing journey with me, so you can write a book vicariously through me, but this is one part of the journey I hope you don’t take with me, because it’s not fun, it’s not positive and there’s pain with every press of a key on the keyboard. Pain that grows as I get closer and closer to the ‘end’ – and one more failure to add to the pile.