Disappointments – Blog Carnival

disappointmentsWelcome to the One Word At A Time Blog Carnival. This week’s word is: Disappointments.

Although this is a ‘One Word’ carnival, we have a theme for the next few weeks and the theme is “Let Go Of…” So every week, we will have a word for the week, but the theme will be letting go of that word.

My entry is below all of this intro stuff.

Below this, you’ll find a little widget called Simply Linked. All the participants in the carnival add their links to the widget and that way we can all find and read everyone’s entries. You’re welcome to join us, the carnival is open to anyone.

To see all of the upcoming words and their dates, visit peterpollock.com/category/faith/carnival


 

I AM a Disappointment

I am a disappointment to everyone I see.

I am a disappointment, but really that’s just me.

Whatever I do, whatever I try, whatever comes my way

I am a disappointment, every single day.

 

I am a disappointment, in everything I do

I am a disappointment, am I disappointing you?

This is my life, this is my lot, there is no hope in sight,

I am a disappointment – try as I might.

 

I am a disappointment, though I don’t want to be

I am a disappointment, I fail most utterly.

I want to just achieve success, to taste a victory

But I’m a disappointment –  really, that’s just me.

 

This series is exceptionally hard for me, because the theme is ‘Let go of’ and I’m terrible at letting go of things.

I wonder sometimes if I should even participate because I fail so completely at letting go of all this stuff.

This word has been particularly difficult for me. As you can see from my vague attempt at poetry, letting go of disappointments is hard because I AM the disappointment so to let go would be to let go of myself.

Now, I’m sure many of you are going to think you should start listing all the things you I do which are NOT disappointments, but as the stream of therapists I’ve broken will attest, that’s an argument you’re not going to win because my self belief, my conscious understanding of myself is that at my very core I am a failure, a disappointment, a loser.

That concept is the foundation of who I am.

I know in my head that the answer to this is that I have to let go of that belief, but that scares me in a monumental way.

If I let go of my foundation, the very building blocks of who I understand myself to be, then who am I? If I’m not a failure and a disappointment, what or who am I?

I know me at the moment. I might not like me very much, but I know me.

Who is this person I might become if I’m no longer me? Will I like him? Will he be worse than me?

It’s that fear, the fear of the unknown that keeps me trapped here so forever I will be… a disappointment.

About PeterP

I am a blogger, author, stay at home dad, speaker, web hosting trainer and geek (I was so excited to get an iPad that I actually made up a song and dance about it). I am English by birth, but currently live in California with my wife and our three children. I ran a web hosting business for nine years and found that many, if not most of my clients had never learned how to use any of the functions associated with hosting so I wrote a book to try and teach just those skills. I must admit to having fallen in love with WordPress (possibly a little TOO much) and I honestly find it hard to understand why anyone would use anything different to build a site! WordPress is wonderful! My passion is to help others achieve their goals with their websites/blogs. I believe that, with a little help, anyone can have an awesome site.

4 thoughts on “Disappointments – Blog Carnival”

  1. Jennie says:

    “But the voice of truth
    Tells me a different story
    The voice of truth
    Says ‘Do not be afraid’
    The voice of truth
    Says ‘this is [you are] for My glory’
    Out of all the voices calling out to me
    I will choose to listen and believe
    The voice of truth”
    (Casting Crowns)
    I pray this for you every time I hear it.
    Hugs. J xx

  2. HisFireFly says:

    truth will win
    and re-spin all our misbeliefs
    till you see what He see when He sees you
    🙂

  3. hazel i moon says:

    Attitude is important. How does God see you? Not as a disappointment !! So begin to see yourself as God sees you. Get some scriptures to back this up. Be bold and courageous and do not doubt!

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