The unknown is overwhelming me today. More specifically, fear of the unknown is overwhelming me. It has been all weekend.
Today is Monday April 22nd, 2013 and I’m told that this coming Friday, April 26th, 2013, is the day my new book, Web Hosting For Dummies, is due to arrive in the publisher’s warehouse from the printer.
That means that as early as next Monday, my first non-fiction book, my first professionally published book of any kind will start shipping to distributors and retailers…. and who knows how soon after that it will be in people’s hands.
Hard to Explain
I have been trying to find a way to describe to you how this is making me feel, and it’s hard because there is a huge mixture of emotions churning inside of me. Excitement, fear and impatience are coupled with a feeling that this is all happening too quickly – and the knowledge that it is mostly completely out of my control now.
The book is being printed, there’s no stopping it now. Wiley, the publisher, seems happy with it and they’ve paid me my advance, so it’s all up to them now. They have the right to publish it (or not) at their discretion and there’s not a thing I can do about it.
A Visual Example
My thoughts led me to youtube and to the video of Susan Boyle auditioning for Britain’s Got Talent for the first time.
The audition was discussed the world over, the day after it was shown on TV and the discussions mainly focused on the first impression Ms. Boyle made through her words, actions and dress and the degree to which people’s opinion of her changed once she started to sing.
What strikes me today though is her reaction to the judges’ votes.
First Piers Morgan votes yes, then Amanda Holden followed with ‘yes’ of her own.
Susan Boyle’s reaction to that was what really caught my attention.
Piers, Amanda and Simon Cowell had all said great things about the performance prior to the vote, but it wasn’t until the second ‘yes’ vote that it really began to sink in for Boyle.
She smiled, stared with a mixture of elation and surprise and asked, “Amanda, you too?”
The platitudes that had gone before had maybe made her hope that a positive vote was coming, but she didn’t KNOW… and still up to that point, didn’t BELIEVE.
That video then led me on to a video of Andrew De Leon auditioning for America’s Got Talent. If you’ve never seen the audition, you should watch it.
De Leon is certainly an individual. Dressed (as is his norm) in a goth style, he steps up and sings opera (very well) to the surprise of everyone.
When asked immediately after his performance, De Leon says, “I’m just so used to be rejected, and I’m not really good at anything so… this is amazing!”
He’d never sung in front of an audience before, not even his parents had heard him sing and so he was really putting it all out there to go up in front of a large audience and numerous TV cameras.
We’ve all seen the total failures, people who stepped out on stage only to reveal to one and all that they actually had no talent whatsoever and it’s so easy to forget that when hearing Andrew De Leon sing.
As far as he knew, the reaction could have gone one of two ways – and he was overwhelmed that it went positively.
There was even a moment when the presenter, Nick Cannon, almost had to push De Leon out on to the stage because the fear of the unknown almost overwhelmed him.
Hearing him sing and seeing the audience’s reaction, it’s easy to forget the reality that he had NO IDEA how his singing was going to be received – and it’s those ‘before’ moments that I can really identify with.
I’m that Performer
Sure, I’m not going up on stage, but at the same time, my book IS going up on stage and I have no idea how it will be received.
Maybe it will be received well, like Andrew De Leon’s vocal talents (or maybe not QUITE that well) or maybe it will be received poorly, like many of the failures we cringe and laugh at.
THAT’s how I’m feeling. I’ve put it out there and am in limbo waiting for the response.
In many ways, the day people finally get Web Hosting For Dummies in their hands can’t come fast enough…. but then, at the same time, it’s coming way too soon and to say I’m anxiously awaiting that day is an understatement.
My book is my performance, and the performance is over. It’s done. I had my chance.. and now I just have to wait to see how the audience reacts.