I have trouble connecting with people.
Sure I can have friendships and relationships, but actually really connecting to the point that I truly care deeply about people is very hard for me.
I don’t even really get all that sad when people die. That’s not because of any religious beliefs, it’s because I don’t feel deeply enough.
I saw a therapist for a year or so and this was one of the things we talked about a lot. I care about people but it’s on a much more superficial level than I’d generally like to admit.
This is even true with my kids. I love them, I care about them but it’s not a deep, deep connection.
Years ago, I started praying about this and I didn’t really seem to get much response from God… until a few days ago.
The cute man pictured here is my son, Caleb. The way our lives are currently ordered I’m a stay-at-home dad, so I get to spend all day every day with my son. At least, I do until next Wednesday.
Next Wednesday, Caleb starts school for the first time. My little man will be a Kindergartner.
The other day, that fact really hit me. My son, who I spend all day every day with, is going to be in school six hours a day. I’m no longer going to get to spend every day with him. He’s growing up and our daily hang-out that we’ve had for the past three years is going to change.
I suddenly became very sad and emotional. I am actually going to miss him. I’m regretting the time I wasted not fully interacting with him. I’m sad that I won’t get to be with him all day any more. I really care deeply about this.
Shocking.
You see, God has answered my prayer. He put me in a situation where this would happen. He made it so I would have the opportunity to become attached to my son and be used to having him with me all the time. If I had been out at work all day every day, I would not be feeling the way I am now. God arranged things so I would start connecting on a deeper level.
Thank you God, for giving this to me. Thank you for helping me start to connect with people more deeply. I pray that I will continue down this path and be able to really love people the way you do, to hurt for them and care for them the way you want me to!
Thank you for your honesty and allowing others to gain insight and healing from your struggles and the way God responded to you.
Thanks for sharing, Peter. An encouraging post. God has good marksmanship when it comes to answering prayers.
You said, “Sure I can have friendships and relationships, but actually really connecting to the point that I truly care deeply about people is very hard for me.”
This is often true for me, too. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and hope.
It’s amazing how many of us there are out there, Erlinda!
I know what you mean. For me, I have deeper connections with family & friends but I couldn’t love the people God had placed around me to lead. It bothered me so I prayed for a long time with limited results. What finally broke through was when I was talking with a group of pastors and one said that he gained this bit of wisdom, “Jesus said to love your neighbor as you love yourself, but what if you hate yourself.” That hit me like a ton of bricks. That started me on a process of accepting God’s love into the areas that were unlovable and in my view, unacceptable. I haven’t been the same since!
SO all that to say, I love hearing how God shows up and I’m always glad to hear when we recognize God’s hand and direction in our lives to bring about the best results. Blessings Peter!
Yeah, that ‘love your neighbor as you love yourself’ thing is tough for me too. I don’ particularly like myself let alone love myself!
In fact, just ten minutes ago I was thinking about how my kids always pick up on and imitate my bad traits… then I realized that I don’t feel like I have any good traits for them to pick up on!
I know, I know, I need to work on this – and I am, but it’s slow going!